Oh Wretched Man That I Am

If I ever begin to forget what kind of person I am, and how sinful I can be, all I have to do is wait for a little while and I will usually do something so pathetic that it reminds me of the constant war in my members (as Paul puts it). Sometimes it is as if I am watching myself from a distance do things and say things that, at that very moment, I am ashamed of and know that I should not be doing and saying…and yet, I go right on with the action displaying my wretchedness. I know what I should be doing, and I know what I want to be doing, but sometimes it is as if my mind and heart are on auto-pilot and I just go right doing and saying things that I know I will regret in the immediate thereafter. Paul absolutely has it nailed when he says:

For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. – Romans 7:15-18

Last night, I once again proved my depravity to both myself and my wife as I acted like a complete idiot toward her over something that was absolutely trivial and ridiculous. Sometimes I wish sanctification was an immediate process. Praise God that my justification is not contingent upon my being totally sanctified…

For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want…Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin. – Romans 7:19,24-25